Coming Home After Travel, and Leaving Too Soon: Laughterings and Sadnessings
- stemeillon
- Jul 10
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 17
Sometime during my travels, surrounded by cultures that prioritize family above all else, I realized I felt wrong for not being at home with mine. For a number of reasons, I decided to go home for a month to see my mom and help out around the house, and then visit my grandparents and extended family in Iowa. An added bonus: my sister decided to come home early too to have more time together! And after the 4th of July weekend in Iowa, my mom and I had plans to come to France for a wedding, after which I could see that side of the family too. From there I really gotta find a job. Knowing that I would only be home for a month was relieving in a way; it made going home more mentally manageable if I knew “the” adventure wasn't over. So anyway. I went home at the end of May, marking the end of a very meaningful time in Kathmandu.
But all of a sudden I'm at the end of my month and "coming home after travel" flew by much too quickly. I spent my time in Lakewood with my mom, sister, friends, and at the karate dojo: thank you to all of the people that welcomed me back. I feel lucky to have you all in my life, and wish I wasn't leaving so soon. I think I'm realizing how much it means to invest time into a community, and I keep leaving all of the ones I invest in. I wonder to myself what I'm sacrificing by wanting to see other things, and who I'm hurting in the meantime. It's also beautiful to think of the world as one big community (yes I realize how hippie dippie that sounds). But I can't help but notice that the world feels a lot smaller now. I feel like I am ready to commit and settle down somewhere for a while, and in another sense, I don't know where that is. But what a wonderful problem to have. As my grandpa says, "this generation's got too many options."
What I do know is that my time spent at the dojo in Lakewood helped me find a lot of meaning again; whether it was the routine, the sport itself, or the people there (shoutout Ken and Amber and everyone else, and Lakewood for its hidden gems that I'm just now learning about), I felt very in touch--with something. Not sure what really but it all felt good.
I think my next point of action is to find a job and hunker down to save the money and make it happen. Where? I don't know. I'm in France now seeing friends and family, and if I can find a good job here (something without a long contract that pays decent), I'll stay. And if I can't, I'll go home, and those are both good options. Again, we shall see!
I kind of feel like a kid who had to strap a block to their shoe to reach the gas pedal, but the road is all foggy, and my big ol’ glasses are all scratched up (that part’s real—I can’t see anything). But I’m still behind the wheel, and I haven’t hit anything or gone off the cliff. Yet.
Anyhow. Thank you all for your continued support. Your shared laughterings, cryings, kind wordsings, and sometimes friendly harassmentings go a long way, and help me feel like I'm still doing what's right for the time being.
Lots of love.
Stella
Featuring a few photos from time at home.
What a thoughtful and inspiring post Stella. Thank you for sharing - and wishing you the very best in your job hunt. I wish we had a position open at IES London!